We Wish the Shark Would Have Killed Us in Episode 161!

3/30/2020

The citizenry needs more of him! (Less of everyone else)

The citizenry needs more of him! (Less of everyone else)

It's with great fanfare that we give to you the final episode in this year's Merry Marvel Movie March Madness, the 2013 "film" Kick-Ass 2. It's been a wild ride, but now we'll have to dial it back from a rolling boil to our more typical light simmer, Marvel-wise. But fear not; that's how some of the best sauces are made! And surely that translates to movie reviews.

Amazon reviews for Kick-Ass 2 run the gamut from bitter and pedantic to thoughtful and hilarious. However, none of them get us any closer to figuring out WHO this movie was FOR...

If you doubt that we were Pepsi Max-shippers from the get-go, audio proof exists. I mean, you could simply take our word for it, but that wouldn't be nearly as entertaining as listening!

Yes, yes, Union J is a real group which has a Facebook page that's updated sometimes. And THAT VIDEO! *swoon*

Mark Millar licks goats? Machine Man made a sign, so seems legit!

The Simpsons episode that Adam refers to is called Blood Feud (S2E22). Doug actually mentioned this in the original recording, but since we try not to leave anything in the final cut that makes Doug look good, it was removed.

We Perform Autosurgery in Episode 160!

3/16/2020

What's the point of getting this jacked if she's immune to my manly charms??

What's the point of getting this jacked if she's immune to my manly charms??

Is your March suddenly lacking Madness? It may only be slight consolation to you sports fans, but our Merry Marvel Movie March Madness won't ever be canceled because we're never in the same room together! Episode number two of three for the month features 2013's solo Wolverine movie, efficiently titled The Wolverine.

Doug wasn't kidding when he said he was conditioned to think this was a remake of Superman II. I mean, just watch the trailer!

While it was used as a backdrop for our entertainment, it's always worth realizing that, you know, atomic bombs are bad. Here's a little reading on the Hibakusha, the folks who were most affected.

But on a lighter note (though still death-related), here's the "Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru" meme Paul was referring to during the episode.

We Kidnap the President Again(!) in Episode 159!

3/2/2020

When Frank told his therapist that he was afraid of heights, drowning, AND robots, they decided together that exposure therapy was the only recourse.

When Frank told his therapist that he was afraid of heights, drowning, AND robots, they decided together that exposure therapy was the only recourse.

It's time once again for MERRY MARVEL MOVIE MARCH MADNESS! *AIRHORN* We've got three MMMM episodes for you this month, starting with episode 159, in which we discuss 2013's Iron Man 3. Catching our march up to modern times is seeming more likely, unless someone comes up with an AI that analyzes and greenlights scripts - or even the entire movie-making process!

Iron Man 3 has many setpieces, not the least of which is the skydiving scene. There's some interesting info we didn't get into in articles here and here.

Doug chastised us for not calling a soda by its proper name: Mountain Dew Zero Sugar. Honestly, how are we (the uneducated public) supposed to keep up with advancements in Soda Technology, let alone the technical names these scientists come up with? All we know is it has black can art, so it must be low calorie!

We Recount the Gifts and Do the Dew in Episode 158!

2/17/2020

Those looking for less than 100% Dew will not find it here

Those looking for less than 100% Dew will not find it here

For whatever reason we just had too much to talk about before our The Amazing Spider-Man episode, so we spun off our discussion into episode 158. But since it happened first, Charlie refers to it as episode 157 in the actual recording. He wasn't wrong at the time, but does that make him wrong now? That's up to you, the listener, to decide (especially since Charlie didn't want to record the line over again).

Finally: a chance to bring up the exclusive KFC Dew flavor Sweet Lightning. Although I think I'm more impressed that there's a dedicated Mountain Dew wiki.

OK, so, soy sauce... testicles... sigh. We can't even...

And even though the existence of the Space Force proves we are in the darkest of timelines, Cracked at least did a little work to determine whether or not the logo was stolen from Star Trek as Doug suggests.

We Grab for the Gun in Episode 157!

2/3/2020

Since you seem to have developed super strength and agility, I just thought I'd take this opportunity to express my sympathies

Since you seem to have developed super strength and agility, I just thought I'd take this opportunity to express my sympathies

We introduce Tony to his first Spider-Man movie in our 38th installment of our Merry Marvel Movie March as we review The Amazing Spider-Man. We must admit, the replacement of Tobey Maguire with Andrew Garfield may have been a factor in Tony's decision to watch this.

As Adam mentioned in the podcast, our old pal Nathan Rabin actually liked The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (contains spoilers). Well, he enjoyed it ironically, but that's still enjoyment! Perhaps for that episode Doug will have to break out his scale that involves negative scores. But we digress!

We tried to find some cool behind-the-scenes stories for this movie, but unsurprisingly, most of those deal with the ill-fated sequel instead of this. So while we've got a bunch of fun links lined up for when we reach installment 44 of our March, for now you'll have to be content with this 2012 interview with director Marc Webb.

Alex Tries to Wipe His Memory in Episode 156!

1/20/2020

Rey, I just finally remembered that thing I said I was going to tell you! I guess I'll wait 'til you get back, if I still remember!

Rey, I just finally remembered that thing I said I was going to tell you! I guess I'll wait 'til you get back, if I still remember!

Episode 156 has all the Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker content you still must be craving a full month after the movie's release. But seriously, give it a listen, especially if you're looking for a less, ah, indulgent viewpoint of the movie. I mean, I can't think of any other source than us for formulating a better script.

Poor Nien Nunb! Or not? After all, he's really not dead as long as we remember him. (And I don't mean in that stupid "emotionally impactful Star Trek" way, I mean literally!)

In this YouTube video created seemingly with Tony Huff specifically in mind, we see all the scenes from the prequels that spawned memes. Which is more comprehensive than you might imagine. And with some bonus Rogue One at the end!

And Adam made a meme, just for us!

I mean, he's got a point

I mean, he's got a point.

We Almost Get a Dinosaur Movie in Episode 155!

1/6/2020

You know, you really remind me of someone...

You know, you really remind me of someone...

It's safe to say that we were all pleasantly surprised with Men in Black 3 in episode 155 -- edition 37 of our Merry Marvel Movie March. And our eagle-eyed fans will notice that this episode instigated a re-rate of a previous film... FROM CHARLIE. Wow!

In Doug's defense, everyone is more prone to crying on planes. And if you don't get a tear in your eye near the end of this movie, that doesn't NECESSARILY make you a monster... but you're halfway there.

We didn't really know anything about Rip Torn's life before this episode, but this is pretty much exactly what we imagined it would be. Of course, that didn't stop Air New Zealand from hiring him for this safety video.

Charlie has been thinking about it, and wants to say that he now understands the spontaneous healing of Will Smith when he time travels near the end of the movie. When Smith travels back, the healing indicates his victory is inevitable, and thus the spikes never hit him in the first place! (Either that, or it's just a fun movie and we shouldn't think about it too hard.)

We're Not the Only Ones Last-Minute Shopping in Episode 154!

12/23/2019

EXACTLY why you stay open on Christmas Day!

EXACTLY why you stay open on Christmas Day!

The Gobeski/Wallace Report wishes you and your family a Happy Holiday season and a prosperous New Year! Now that we've done that, the least you can do is force everyone you know to listen to episode 154. It's the podcast that brings people of all creeds and languages together in harmony, after all! Are you opposed to love, unity, and peace on Earth? Well, are you?!

Frankie may not SAY that his Clone Oil is made from people, but I mean, c'mon. But is it sustainable? We can't imagine humans, even cloned ones, aren't a burden on the environment. But cannibalizing wild caught humans? That's bound to be a net boon for Mother Earth! (Curse you Paul Wilcox, for making us think about this...)

Richard Karn was lying - he hasn't been on the Home Impodcast since June of 2017! WE... ARE... FURIOUS!

We May or May Not Be Possessed by an Asgardian in Episode 153!

12/9/2019

Guys, just make sure you arrange yourselves so Loki can see ALL of us

Guys, just make sure you arrange yourselves so Loki can see ALL of us

We're finally finished with Phase 1 of the MCU now that we've reviewed The Avengers for our Merry Marvel Movie March. Now on to Phase 2, which based on dialogue in this movie we believe to be a bunch of weapons in some boxes... Plus we mourn a certain character who is now DEAD FOREVER and certainly doesn't come back as the lead of a spin-off series lasting seven seasons.

Even though the selection on the website eTHAICD is extensive, please note that the sixth search result for "avengers" is a movie called Scavengers. So, maybe not the most intuitive search algorithm ever devised...

As much as Charlie would rather have S.H.I.E.L.D.'s duties be taken over by the Department of the Interior, there's reason to believe that they may not keep the plot of their Marvel movies on the rails either.

Don Cheadle is Captain Planet.

Robert Downey Jr. rolling his eyes and Chris Evans understanding that reference are just two of the memes that come from this movie. I'm sure we'll talk about lots more MCU-specific memes in future episodes.

We cut a tangent where we all stop and watch the trailer for the 1977 horror film House, so now that means you have to watch it since you didn't hear us explain it. Similarly, you'll have to watch The Avengers gag reel for the same reason.

We Travel Through a Black Hole Underwater in Episode 152!

11/25/2019

Leisure time optimization

Leisure time optimization

seaQuest DSV has always been our passion, but we get a little bit off-topic in episode 152, despite Adam's best efforts. We promise to be more focused next time!

There's a Planet Money episode about beating the lottery that Paul mentions in the episode. Also: this "60 Minutes" episode about a couple who found a flawed lottery game and won millions.

Doug sent us a couple comics relating to Veterans Day restaurant deals, which you can find here and here.

Buying retro games for display-only? DUMB!

Apparently "sticking to sports" means "diving into an uncontrollable tailspin from which you will never recover". RIP Deadspin.

And finally, here's the photo of Darwin that Paul sent us:

This isn't a real dolphin? So disillusioned!

This isn't a real dolphin? So disillusioned!

Episode 151 Has More Nic Cage Than Usual... Again!

11/12/2019

Why mess with the perfect photo?

Why mess with the perfect photo?

At the risk of repeating ourselves, we reviewed Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance for our Merry Marvel Movie March. Turns out we already did this in episode 33 as well, but I guess that was a different podcast... with different hosts? This universe switch sure is disorienting, but as long as there are Gobeskis and Wallaces present, I think we're on the right track.

A quick Google search of "nic cage bare-assed" results in many things you'd expect, but surprisingly also this Guardian interview he did while promoting Frozen Ground (which Charlie has seen!) (It was not good).

And an MTV article which addresses the fire pee. At least no one can say we didn't get exactly what we were promised...

We Reinvent Ourselves Again and Again in Episode 150!

10/28/2019

I felt compelled to use this picture, but I'm not sure why...

I felt compelled to use this picture, but I'm not sure why...

Wow, can't believe we made it to episode 150! Too bad we end up cutting the episode short and talking about nothing... or did we talk about EVERYTHING? We can't help but feel like everything will be different from now on... or will it be exactly the same? But rest assured, the next 150 episodes will have the same stellar content you've come to expect from us, minus one specific topic.

As you may you recall, this rat, perhaps inspired by Mr. Chuck himself, stole a piece of pizza (and our hearts) back in 2015.

Sorry, short blog post this time around! But that makes sense, given how short the episode was. I think? It's tough to remember...

We Ride Motorcycles into Secret Bases in Episode 149!

10/14/2019

It belongs in a museum!

It belongs in a museum!

Our Merry Marvel Movie March takes us back in time with episode 149, all about the 2011 period adventure movie Captain America: The First Avenger! We talk about The Rocketeer, the Red Skull, and whether all those people shot with fancy Hydra weapons were killed or teleported. And we learn that Charlie's favorite movie titles are the ones that don't leave any surprises for the audience to discover!

Our very own correspondent Douglas Gobeski had the opportunity to visit the Harley-Davidson Museum in Milwaukee, where he saw all sorts of neat things, including the bike that Captain America rode in this movie! And that's his photo up there at the top!

So how DID they make Chris Evans so small in the first part of this movie? As Adam says in the episode, it was a combination of CG and a body double; FX Guide has the lowdown on how the magic happens! (A couple thumbnails on that link aren't working, but if you click the thumbnail the full image will appear.)

And if we're gonna discuss the super soldier augmentation of Captain America, we're legally required to include this image:

from an io9 article

From this article

We Discover eMules in Episode 147!

9/16/2019

CHONK CHONK CHONK!

CHONK CHONK CHONK!

We adjudicate many things in episode 147, but Muniz Industries continues to steamroll all regulatory authority. You're probably covered in invisible oil right now! If it weren't so nutritious and calorie-dense, we'd probably be really concerned right now.

Our new episode has a misophonia warning from 21:22-30:28 (Chewin' with Charlie). Hey, we actually warned you this time!

Judge John Hodgman has ruled, but does he get final say? Well on OUR podcast it can be appealed. Of course, the appeals process is likely to take YEARS and render anything but the original ruling moot. Kara is ok with this.

While it's almost impossible that Mr. B (BeeJay) hasn't been adopted yet, you should at least read up on the big chonker himself. He's a hefty boy, for sure!

And PLEASE, check out "The Fanbeing's Guide to Star Trek" as completed by our own Adam Gobeski. Also I guess he completed his PhD, which is also cool. But we'll discuss that more in a future episode!

We Fall in Unison in Episode 146!

9/2/2019

Yes, ALL of the X-Men assembled on this beach have MANY adventures to come, WITHOUT EXCEPTION!

Yes, ALL of the X-Men assembled on this beach have MANY adventures to come, WITHOUT EXCEPTION!

It's a blast from the past in episode 146, as our Merry Marvel Movie March continues with our 33rd installment, all about X-Men: First Class and not, as Charlie originally thought, Captain America: The First Avenger. That'll have to wait until our next Marvel movie! Instead we talk about Kevin Bacon's German accent, montages, and how every single woman in this movie removes her clothing at some point. And should this win an award for "Best Use of the F-Word in a PG-13 Movie"? We certainly can't think of a better one!

In case you're not familiar with the 2005 meme classic that we reference in the podcast, we've got you covered.

Adam wants you to know that he's finished the first season of Legion, and while he's slightly mollified by the visual reference to Professor X, he's no more certain when the show is meant to be set. Clearly, THIS is the biggest mystery that the show presents us!

Finally, here's an article about how flat earthers tried to derail this Kickstarter campaign's Facebook ads! It's nice to know that there's nothing the internet can't make worse!

We're a Little Creeped Out by Paul in Episode 145!

8/19/2019

Some things are better left a mystery

Some things are better left a mystery

OK, we admit that episode 145 doesn't start out on the right foot, but hang in there for a couple minutes and it's worth your while! And we do (eventually) get some context for Paul's almost TOO extensive knowledge of birds.

I'm sure you all know about the 30-50 feral hogs thing by now, but here is the specific meme Doug was referencing which... I dunno, I think some day an advanced species will find the wreckage of our civilization and spend decades trying to decode this one image, to no avail.

It looks like the Wisconsin Dells drive-in theatre didn't make it on to this list of the best drive-in theatres in America; I can only assume it's because Wisconsin isn't cracking down hard enough on people who leave all their lights on in their car while other people are just trying to watch creepy fake lions reenact Hamlet!

We Fight in the Mud in Episode 144!

8/5/2019

I'm so dejected, I just wanna rip my shirt off!

I'm so dejected, I just wanna rip my shirt off!

There's something for everyone to like in episode 144: binge drinking, hot men and women (but we would rather they didn't kiss, please!), and Sir Anthony Hopkins! Our Merry Marvel Movie March is really cooking now, especially since we're coming up on our THIRD iteration of Captain America in just two movies!

I'm sure by the time we finish this March, everyone will already know who Beta Ray Bill is. But for now, educate yourself!

It was cut from the podcast, but it turned out Charlie didn't know what Chekhov's gun was. Well, according to Wikipedia, it's a dramatic principle from Russian playwright Anton Chekhov, who's quoted as saying: "Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." Wikipedia goes on to state that Anton Chekhov is the brother of Star Trek's Chekov, and that after the show ended the two of them went off to fight crimes together in the lawless American West of the 1880s, thus inspiring the long-running History Channel series Chek(h)ov Another Outlaw Off Your Wanted List. See, look at all the fun things we're learning together!

We Recount All of Human History in Episode 143!

7/22/2019

We'll teach our own kids about the space race some time in 2043

We'll teach our own kids about the space race some time in 2043

No special guests this week - just regular old guests Alex Clark and Paul Wilcox. But we do recount this year's June birthday gifts and give Charlie some much needed advice about his progeny, and since Alex is on it's not a question of WHETHER Charlie will sing a song, only how many!

The first expansion of Doctor Who - Time of the Daleks actually came out between the recording and now, so we've dated this episode in an entirely new and unexpected way!

We mention the Chonk Chart in passing; here it is in all its glory in case you haven't seen it!

Chonk Chart

Charlie was slightly incorrect about the Ice Cream Lick Challenge; the girl who originated it is a minor and thus hasn't been charged yet, but this guy was!

We did a deep dive into Star-Wars-As-a-Silent-Film, but that segment was cut for time and also interest. But here is the fruit of that search, which is definitely worth checking out!

A story about parenting advice, from Adam:

At a child's birthday party one year, the question came up of "when should presents be opened?" To which the mom of the birthday child responded, "That's a controversial topic in the mom community, but I think we're gonna land on the side of doing it after everyone has left" (or words to that effect). And she did! So that meant we waited around with all these terrible "perfect" moms forever and didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing the child's reaction to the gift.

The best part was the year after though. Because that same parent was going to do the same thing again, but this time the kid was old enough to understand what was going on, so she said "screw it" (metaphorically) and just went and started opening presents (especially since she's surrounded by her peers who are also old enough to understand what's going on and don't have weird parents who insist on opening presents in private, so of course that's the point of a birthday party and thus they're egging her on). But because the parent had no plan in place to deal with this, it was pure chaos of gifts being torn open, cards being separated, etc. (Because the child didn't tell her mom she was doing this; she just started doing it.) Fortunately we had presence of mind to pull out a notebook and write stuff down, because the mother basically had an anxiety attack when she found out like halfway through and had to leave the room.

We Discover a New Element in Episode 142!

7/8/2019

I am sooo good at science!

I am sooo good at science!

This week's episode has us continuing our Merry Marvel Movie March with the 2010 film Iron Man 2. There's certainly a lot going on in this film, plot-wise, so our episode's a bit longer than usual. But if a podcast's quality is measured by sheer volume of content, surely we are knocking it out of the park this week! (Just kidding, it's a good episode!)

Nothing is quite as hilarious as promotional writing for sodas and junk food, so here's Liberty Dew!

Well, if you believe in retconning even the briefest of moments in 7-year-old movies, I guess that little boy was Peter Parker. Wait, does this mean Adam's "theory" about Peter's parents is right???

We Go Full Piscopo in Episode 141!

6/17/2019

Anyone would be proud to place this on their mantle

Anyone would be proud to place this on their mantle

Happy Piscopo Day everyone! We couldn't resist releasing an episode on the great day itself, so here you go, a new episode, a week early! Joe himself would approve, we're sure. And so would Dojo Joe, Zombie Joe and Danny DeVito Joe!

The "Piscopo or No" segment was a rousing failure! Charle would like to point out that all the actual owners of the factoids stated were from New Jersey, and the person who appeared with Taylor Swift at the CMT awards was David Copperfield, and he made her disappear!

We need YOU! to go to Famous Birthdays.com and click the Boost button on Joe Piscopo's page! Help Joe make it on to the June 17 page!

We Go to Robin's Revenge in Episode 140!

6/10/2019

As long as they don't have knives or guns, I should be fine!

As long as they don't have knives or guns, I should be fine!

We eventually manage to talk about the 2010 movie Kick-Ass in the 30th installment of our Merry Marvel Movie March. We just had a lot on our minds I guess and even more material was cut, including an extended section where Adam eats Popeye's for dinner which you may hear in an upcoming tag show!

I'm glad we picked Ted Cruz as our official mascot of the GW Report, because he always delivers.

Adam is pretty sure the garage sale in question was at Bishop and Grovenburg on the east side of Grovenburg, near Dimondale. More details to follow on the next episode, I'm sure!

Vanuatu was featured in the 9th season of Survivor. I'm sure you were dying to know this.

Quicksilver was HAWKEYE'S shield, not Thor's shield. We regret the error.

Fun fact: October Sky is an anagram of "Rocket Boys". Universal didn't think women would go see a movie called Rocket Boys so they changed the title. Despite the inherent sexism they were right because NO ONE would go see a movie called Rocket Boys.

We Light Our Backpacks on Fire in Episode 139!

5/27/2019

Casting call

Casting call

Finally, we managed to get celebrated actor Q Jackson in the studio to discuss his part in the Wolfsmarine movie series. I say "celebrated" because I'm pretty sure he's had a birthday party before – at least I think he knows when his birthday is... all those mysterious van rides have thrown off his sense of time, though. But we're thankful Q was able to introduce us to his movies, from Eckqs Man Originals - Wolfsmarine to Teacher's Assistant Eckqs: The First Eckqs-Man to We Wish You a Wolfsmarine Christmas. Almost makes us want to start a Merry 'Marine Movie March...

Almost.

In any case, I was only able to track down some of the HD-DVDs myself. They are as follows:

  • Teen Wolfsmarine
  • The Wolfsmarine of Wall Street
  • Brogan
  • When Harry Met Wolfsmarine: A Romantic Horror Buddy Cop Film
  • Mighty Morphing Power Wolfsmarine
  • Wolfsmarine Visits Wolf's Marine: A Promotional Video
  • AvPvW: Alien vs. Predator vs. Wolfsmarine
  • The Death of Wolfsmarine
  • Wolfsmarine Lives!
  • The Death of Wolfsmarine II: This Time It's For Real
  • Wolfsmarine Still Lives 2!
  • Abbut & Kostillo Work Together With Wolfsmarine to Fight Frankenstein and Also Godzilla But Then They All Team Up to Punch and Stomp Nazis: A Love Story

We Fight in Every War in Episode 138!

5/14/2019

Was this Plan A...?

Was this Plan A...?

We've got our next installment of our Merry Marvel Movie March with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Hugh Jackman made a good decision in making this film. Everyone else? Not so sure...

This movie actually turned Kara off from Marvel movies, many of which she had seen up to that point. She didn't like this movie for the following reasons:

  • A waste of Ryan Reynolds
  • Waste of the character Deadpool
  • Was too ridiculous
  • Not enough Ryan Reynolds

When Charlie was talking about Patrick Stewart's agelessness, he was thinking of this meme.

Hey, our government has been doing weird and horrible things for its entire existence. Exhibit A: MKUltra. But at least it's not just the US! Here's the footage of British soldiers after they were unknowingly dosed with LSD that Adam mentioned.

We Travel to Foreign Lands in Episode 137!

4/29/2019

I don't care if it's only been in the fryer for 10 seconds, get that orange chicken out here now!

I don't care if it's only been in the fryer for 10 seconds, get that orange chicken out here now!

Paul really gives us all the highlights of his trip to Japan in episode 137, but first we discuss the restaurant that you've probably all been to: the Manchu Wok in the Chicago O'Hare airport! Come for the 2 star meal, stay for the low ceilings and dim lighting!

Adam mentioned fighting on top of the Shinkansen bullet train in Japan, and was mostly thinking of this scene, which is a taste of what's to come in our Merry Marvel Movie March!

Miso Kit-Kats do exist (although you'll probably never get your hands on one)!

Want to watch all five Souls games completed without any hits? Check out this Kotaku article which links to The Happy Hob and his amazing run.

Here's that physics crap that Adam was talking about... Nerd.

Last updated: March 30, 2020

Contact us via Twitter or Facebook